Disgustingly Satisfying
Happy Monday!
Did you have those Sunday night back to work stomach upsets? I did not. Cause y’know…
I am fine with this one minute and then the next, just out of sheer unfamiliarity with this situation of not being gainfully employed I start to get a little eeps. I miss some of my coworkers and being cooped up here with lovely animals (who can’t carry a conversation to save their lives) I am already getting cabin fever. I need schedule. I am that kind of person…crazy and happily busy vs weirdly awkward if penned. I started to organize and clean and that’s a great way to keep a busy mind going.
Let us all pray, thank God for Internets.
But I did venture out of the house and get cracked at the chiro (amazing) and then I bite the bullet and forced myself to brave a grocery trip. Of course it was unusually busy and I tried to get in and out of there as soon as absolutely possible…no such luck. I did the self checkout and ran in to about 657890438745458 issues involving both tofu and broccoli. At one point every single self checkout was needing the assistant, the creepy automated voice blaring from every scanner. I am just not good at big box grocery shopping. possibly due to over-stimulation. I just get all weirded out at the whole thing if I am on my own, it’s too much. I need a list and the right mood and it can happen but without either it’s a gong show.
Basically I just needed to get enough food so I don’t die before Motherbomb gets back…Thursday night. THANK ALL THAT IS HOLY I DON’T CARE THAT I’M 30 I NEED MY MOMMY.
Clears throat, moving on…
Then, as I promised myself but didn’t have the patience or energy to do so last week I rented this bad boy…
Oh la la. That’s right kids, Harley and I are going to clean the carpets. Do not hesitate renting or buying one of these, they are amazing and totally easy to use. I even found a handy little video right here.
This all started when I discovered this…
OMG. What is this?!? Obviously the left hand side is the well travelled upon carpet and the right would be what the carpet should actually look like, an article kept safe under the couches. I am racking my brain trying to figure out how old the Berber is…maybe 10 years?
OMG EW EW EW EW EW EW EW. No! Really?!? This is amazing!!!! I am in love with this thing!
So tonight and tomorrow and Wednesday morning I shall be busy, going over all the carpets several times until the above is at the very most somewhat cloudy. I’m doing this yearly from now on and going to train Har so he wipes his feet meticulously upon entering the carpeted areas of the house. Same goes with the cats who brought me a present last week I shall blog to you next.
Is it weird I loved this today? Cause I do. It’s a huge nerd alert yes but still…I love cleaning, it’s one of my greatest joys. Nothing says you are fighting the battle of boredom like loudly exclaiming to the dog – are you seeing this? This is amazing – like forty times in an afternoon.
We Went Back to Fun Hair
After a brief flirtation with being a highlighted brunette both my hair guru, Karly, and I are glad we are back to fun hair.
What is with my skin lately?!? It’s erupting! But really the above is day old hair and it’s not pretty. It’s long and nice that way but blahs-ville.
Ah, awkward yet casual stupid look on face as I check and see if I got the hair properly in the camera. This was last Friday, just before Coyote’s show at the Wild Wing in Stouffville, more about that later alligators.
I am so happy in this picture because I have just awoken from a nap. Naps are great, I am one of those neurotic few who tracks their sleep hours and tries to catch up. I have read you can’t make up for lost sleep but also that you can. So I’ll try.
Ugh, I have PMS. For what seems like weeks now. After my massage tonight I was a little woozy, panic-y even, totally out of it but let’s thank PMS and wonderful hormones for that little episode. Schedule is still correct but honestly, PMS for three weeks?!? Totally off and I think this is why my digestion, my face and my attitude are acting out. I was an angry bird today all about a part number. O
I am about to climb to the roof of Coyote’s house and shout to the Stouffvillians – Free Uterus to Good Home!
Letters I Will Not Send
Dear Red Truck Driving Behind me last Friday Morning,
Hi. How are you this very fine Friday?
I’m very well thank you, did you notice the roads are icy and slushy? It’s a regular winter storm out here.
These roads are covered and I am in full 4×4 doing 80 km/h. How is that not good enough for you? Here’s a thought…if I lose control you can’t stop because you are literally mere inches away from my car’s ass. And God forbid you or I lose control, without a doubt you would hurt my beautiful car, and your beloved truck…and yes then, in the event of this, I would jump out and kick the shit out of you too.
I don’t even need a reason at this point. In case you didn’t get the memo I am implying that you’re an idiot.
I don’t know if you just migrated from warmer climes and perhaps do not have a grip on winter weather driving or if your 4×4 gives you a blazing false sense of security regarding bad road conditions. But I do know I refuse to endanger my beautiful life and beautiful Jeep because you are in a rush and can’t respect personal space and also can’t drive.
Seriously.
Take a course or pull your head out of your ass pal.
Sincerely,
Fist pumping angry morning commuter.
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Dear Happy Meal,
Your claims of being ‘happy’ and/or inducing ‘happy’ are one hundred percent legit. Not only do you provide a starch, a protein and a toy along with a stellar pickle delivery system but you are an excellent source of happiness.
Oh sure you are probably full of happy drugs but whatever works man. Also, the fact a lovely gentlemen with downs syndrome was eating dinner beside us with his parents truly made my Wednesday night last week. You can do no wrong! You are a faceless corporation but man you are awesome.
Love,
Occasional Patron
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Dear Winter,
You sneaky bitch, it’s March!
No no, now is not the time for freezing rain and snow and snow days. You missed your window of opportunity and now you have the audacity to sneak in at the tail end of your appointed timeline. Your loss pal because Spring is on its way and you procrastinated and now your window is closed. Done. Slither back up to the North Pole, one of the few places you are indeed welcomed.
You better keep up the Spring weather you showcased today. Got it?
I’m watching you,
Sun Worshipper
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Dear IPhoneington,
No I love you more. No. I adore you. No you are the best. I do love you! Yes, you are the prettiest girl ever. No, you hang up first, no you first. No, I insist you first. You are such a scamp.
Wistfully Sighing,
Mommy
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Dear Thai One On,
I was so excited.
I haven’t had Thai in ages and was really looking forward to it. It was fine, the spring rolls crispy, the pad Thai a little dull but otherwise acceptable. The sticky rice with Mango was quite nice and although I am a Green Papaya Salad fan over Mango salad I did enjoy the salad nonetheless. A little spicy but not too much, enjoyable but not authentic as my Coco Rice experiences downtown.
Then the burping started. A lot of it. I would yawn and then a burp would accidently escape. My form and volume rivaling a proud 12 year old boy, not my style at all. Strange, I have not consumed any fizzy beverages yet I cannot stop burping.
Hmm.
Does the origin of your name come from having to ‘Thai’ a shopping bag to your face so you can vomit whilst on the toilet? Are you sure? Cause guess who had a very colourful hour between midnight and 1 a.m. last night? It was me, your newest customer.
And as for me having a mandate of wanting to sample food from as many restaurants in the Stouffville area, this plan is now shelved. As much as I enjoy being exhausted and passing that much gas in front of my boyfriend, not to mention all those pleasant projectile noises I subjected my partner to as he fell asleep I am opting out on future discoveries. And as I sit at my desk I am bloated to the point I look six months pregnant I have decided against you and I being a team.
So thank you.
I’ll never be back.
Sincerely, Popping Pepto Thanks to You
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And while we’re on the subject;
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Dear Swiss Chalet,
I should have ordered a meal from you just like my brilliant Boyfriend did last night. I am a wrap fan, no bacon…very tasty. But I didn’t and look what happened…
Regretfully,
Has Worlds Smartest Boyfriend
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Dear 35 year old man who hit on my mom on a dating site,
Don’t make me slap you.
Are you kidding? Really? She’s aged well and I think she’s a catch don’t get me wrong but 35 is a little young, especially when you are ‘actively seeking’ under the employment tab. And just because she has a car and you don’t doesn’t mean it would work. I mean this in the nicest way possible darling…you are not cute enough to wrangle an old babe to let you live in the lap of luxury for the rest of your days. I don’t care how big it is.
As much as I think it rude to not reply to a message of interest on a dating website you’re getting the delete click so fast your 35 year old head will spin for days.
EWWWWWWWWWWWW,
Protective Daughter
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Dear Internet,
My mom wants to blog. Lord save us all. Get ready Anja you’re about to get a new client. And she will be more successful than me guaranteed.
Crossing myself,
Tinka O’Curry daughter of Lushie O’Curry
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Dear Brain,
You delicious slut! Two big light bulbs at once…gotta plan plan plan plan. I have already started hoarding my little offshoots, I hold them close and we put our head down and boom.
Let us save the world my delicious throbbing head companion,
Owner
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Dear Calvin Harris,
My Hello Kitty hotpants, headphones and Iphoneington would like to thank you for this little gem of a song. Epic bed jumping time.
I love the beats,
Tinka Dancerson
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Dear Princess Pine Needles,
Everything will work out just fine. Oh sure it’s a different plan but that’s what plans are all about, they can be changed, the beauty is nothing is concrete. You are known for your wacky and hilarious family adventures and this trip will not only give you a great tan but wonderful memories. And when the other littler Princess is old enough we can regal her with tales about how we had the same obstacles and messed up plans and look at how great she turned out even though plans always changed.
We threw our problems in a circle and went right back for the same ones.
Dude, you’ve had two kids…that is ten times scarier than this!
Love ya,
CC
And Then He Sang – Everything is Going to be Alright
I have been anxiety-y lately. Anyone else?
The flu/bronchitis/pickled death illness I waged war against last week/the week before really took the hell out of me. Yesterday being up early and cleaning for 10.5 hours, along with all that heavy lifting really didn’t help either. I woke up this morning when Coyote left at 8 a.m. and ended up going back to bed. Caught my very first episode of Phineas and Ferb…oh what fun! New favourite! Happy that for the first time in a week my stomach didn’t feel gross and sour upon awakening.
I am bad at taking it easy and being sick and relaxing. I either need several more hours each day or several less depending on current personal and professional workload. It doesn’t help lately Coyote has been working seven days a week, I need my guy time, time with the guy. I was off caffeine, cut way back on sugar and nicotine so poor body got the shock of a lifetime. Also I apparently quit being patient as well because I walked in to Walmart today, took one look at the line-ups all the way to the clothing section and almost ran screaming from the building.
Went to Metro instead…a lovely experience indeed.
Called Coyote from the lineup just in case he discovered something else we needed at home. I told him about my disinterest in Walmart shopping (and therefore no progress on the bathroom cabinet acquisition) and the lady behind me in line overheard. She said she and her husband have been married 20 years and the only time they almost got divorced was during a Walmart shop. They left a full cart in the middle of the store to salvage the marriage.
This establishes two things: if you like to witness domestics go to Walmart. And, Walmart wants us all divorced so they can double their household shopping count.
Those Walton sisters are evil geniuses.
Then Giggles came over and him and Coyote painted the kitchen. I am excited and nervous about moving in. Worrying myself stupidly that the cats won’t be happy and then remembering 99% of the junk I worry about never actually happens or works out that way. But excited to wake up to Coyote every morning. Trying not to dwell on the guilt of leaving my mom. I know it sounds stupid, I’ve left the nest several times already but I, much alike my mother, am a caretaker and just want her happy.
Selling the house will make her happy. And me happy at the same time.
Happiness is: sunshine, green grass, spring weather, new opportunities, making Giggles and Coyote Dinner, telling Meowers I love her, swimming, sex, green tea with lemon, sour candies, tacky nightgowns, Tweeting, Coyote hugs, Coyote singing to me, Chili purring, laughing, Marty’s smushed face, Chrystalee’s weird meow, Mother being happy.
Injuries: 2 House: Spotless
Loved that Coyote’s house was renovated.
New floors, new kitchen, new potty, new sink. The before was so dated, I should have taken a picture but I didn’t. For our sake it’s better that way. Think back to the 60′s and the marvels of subdivision design and then think of all the cupboards and floors in beige patterns. None found in nature. Just patterns everywhere. Floral wallpaper and patterned linoleum.
So yay for the renovation but boo to the landlord who doesn’t have the thought perhaps that the person living in the renovated main floor of this house could use a team of cleaning people to come in and clean up after all the sanding and painting and installations. But yay again for this tenants girlfriend who from 7:30 a.m. today to 6 p.m. scrubbed and mopped and unpacked and reorganized.
And for this I am rewarded with such…
And some other stuff too.
But mostly the lesson to be learned in this situation is that a dollar store bucket should NEVER be used as a step stool. No no, not even for a moment, even if you are indeed the worlds tiniest person. I have a huge bruise and gash on my leg to prove this fact. The best part is removing your injured leg from the shattered dollar store bucket, that was the highlight of the whole day.
And then I made quick work of my left hip as it careened dangerously in to the corner of the very desk I am writing this at. I was attempting to navigate a shelving unit from the dining room to the spare bedroom when I forgot about my width or the desk corner either way…another brilliant showing of coordination.
And just now, with his resealable bag of roasted and salted pistachios, Coyote was shell-ing up the whole coffee table, surely without thought of my hard work today.
I threw a plastic bowl at his head. I missed.
Now I will go ice my leg.
Om
Meditation. No no, shhhhhhhhhhh shhhhhhhhhhh…trust me on this one.
I was once a non-believer. I was once like you. Couple of years ago I started having anxiety attacks and once a tsunami of realization hit me, I needed to make some monumental changes to my life. To deal with this I began expanding my social and activity circles, was up for trying anything new to relieve stress and introduce myself to new experiences, new techniques and their ilk. Slowing down my world. I was going warp speed.
So, every Wednesday, I went to a free meditation class at a local yoga studio. Me and some other granolas sat there and were guided through breathing. Every bit of breath accounted for, methodic and purposeful. Which was nice but all sorts of memories, reminders and general junk floated in to my mind when I was supposed to be relaxing. All I could concentrate on was the streetcar noise as it passed the studio, the traffic honks and general downtown audio ambiance.
This was not relaxing.
So after class one day I asked the instructor how does one cease all thought in order to meditate? Surely this was impossible! But there is a secret, a way around the dilemma; excuse those thoughts and memories and reminders. Just choose to not delve further in to them. Yes, you need milk but now is not the time. Acknowledge, dismiss, back to feeling your nostrils. It’s so simple, you never stop thinking but you consistently ground yourself and return to your breathing. You can’t eliminate the thinking.
And yes turns out there are apps for that…and this. Some people prefer Tibetan Singing Bells as a background to meditation, some say classical music is the way but for me or nature sounds and spa music are the best.
And speaking of which here’s a great article on Meditation Vs. the Iphone while we’re on the subject.
I choose to love both but I only use Ipaddington to meditate, the second app I provide above has a nifty timer. Typically I meditate for ten to fifteen minutes only, sitting up, legs folded, comfy clothes, most often in bed. If I lie down I fall asleep and this defeats the whole purpose. Contrary to popular thought, I also meditate mornings. I feel it’s a good way to greet the day and these 15 minutes do not make me sleepy, it’s all zen.
Here’s another article I found on the topic of beginning meditation. Very interesting point of view here as well, great idea to gradually extend the time. Wish I had thought of that.
Living Quarters Visionboard #2
Beautiful! Look at everything so well organized and all that storage space…swooners.
Naturally, for the meowies.
I have girl wood for a good bed. I have one of those cheesy bed nets, oodles of different duvets and covers and an Ikea frog thing that is gigantic and has an air pocket inside guarding my bed alongside my Alec rabbit and Corrina, my childhood cabbage patch. Bed is good, I enjoy sleeping, it can cure all. And a romantic bed to Internet, read and snuggle in (amongst other fascinating activities) always makes my heart leap a little.
If you live in an old boxcar does that indeed make you some sort of new-age hobo? I once saw a fascinating fight in the middle of an intersection between two homeless people. The dude standing beside me (I was not a spectator, I was merely attempting to cross said intersection) was so excited about this fight, he wanted to take bets like it was a futuristic version of railroad scrapping hobos.
Which is why I can never live in one of those above houses but can admire from afar.
Best Accidental Salad Ever
I adore Kale. It’s a green leafy bunch of goodness but it’s not just you run of the mill leaves. Extremely hearty, almost meaty and very flavourful just on it’s own. This salad is full of protein, antioxidants and can be thrown together last minute for a great lunch and eaten warm or cold.
Kale, Chickpea and Quinoa Salad
1 Bunch Kale
1 minced medium sized garlic clove
1/2 teaspoon chili flakes
1 Cup rinsed chickpeas
1 Cup cooked Quinoa
1/2 cup pomegrante seeds
1/4 cup raw almonds, coarsely chopped
1/4 cup dried apricots, coarsely chopped
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
Dressing: 1 Tablespoon fresh lemon juice, 2 teaspoons clover honey (it makes a difference I assure you), 3 tablespoons canola oil, 1 tablespoon Chia Seeds.
Remove stems from Kale and wash thoroughly. Rough chop those leaves and add to a wok with about an inch of water in the bottom along with the garlic and chili flakes. Steam on medium heart until kale is tender, about 10 minutes and drain if any water remains. Put aside to cool.
In a medium bowl combine the lemon juice, honey, pepper, oil and Chia and whisk until combined. The Chia can make the dressing a little jelly like in consistancy but never fear that’s just one of those marvellous Chia type things and this will assist in abosorbing any extra moisture your Kale brings to the bowl.
Here is the tough part…add all the remianing ingredigents including the cooled kale in to the bowl you just whipped your dressing in and toss to coat.
Turning Point #3 – Diet
As my metabolism seems to sputter, clutch its chest and drag itself through the days I have come to the realisation that I badly need to make some changes in the name of health. Grab the foodie reins and pull back. I’m in my healthy granola stage remember, eliminating all toxins, being a dirty hippie, vegetarianism, drum circles, growing my hair super long, wearing a lot of flowy cotton etc.
So I put on my investigative/determined face and promptly sign up for My Fitness Pal to find out exactly what I put in to my body daily.
I may never recover from the findings of such research.
First, it’s a great system. Conveinently and easily you can track your daily diet, water intake, exercise and I have yet to stumble upon a food already not entered in to the system. So for a solid week I record everything I digest. I double check nutrients on the labels of everything I intake to ensure my results are as accurate as possible. I eat a candy, that gets recorded, every calorie counted, no gram of sodium left behind.
And it turns out…I am a hummingbird.
Hellbent on sugar and water and buzzing around until the inevitable 6:30 p.m. crash, curled up like a shrimp on the sofa, mouth agap. Attractive I know.
Sugar and I have been friendlies for many a moon, we’re a team. In fact so much so that it was my number one preferred crutch. Nicotine a close second. This sweet tooth of mine is a long time project of mine. But I didn’t realize just how badly over my limit I was…especially on a daily basis.
Thanks mostly to a trip to Bulk Barn and their Jordan Almond selection I was a total of 51 grams OVER of my daily limit of sugar on the very firts day recording. Over, not under, OVER.
17.5 grams of fat and 350 calories, 30 grams of sugar. $1.97. Let’s say good bye to our good friend the Golden delicious apple chips that I eat at least twice a week for breakfast or a snack. Those numbers are for the whole bag, at 2.5 servings per bag however someone with as little self control as I have might want to shy away from such goods. That’s 10 more grams of sugar than my daily allotment!
And our good friend sugar does many things to ones body;
* supresses the immune system (oh look I have walking pneumonia)
* it can cause you pancreas to have a freak out otherwise known as diabetis
* it ruins your teeth (candy is dandy but sex doesn’t rot your teeth – wisdom from mother)
* it slows your digestional tract
* sugar makes Tinka fat and emotional
I know I’m sweet enough without it but something I also noticed thanks to keeping tabs on my foods…I don’t touch the amount of protein or fat I require on a daily basis. Instead I load up on carbs and sugars. I go low-fat or even non-fat often enough but also without eating meat forget about our friend protein. And protein is awesome for you and your muscles, tissues and cells.
So…
Turning over a new dietary leaf. No pop, no chocolate, no junk. Eliminate the processed and properly nourish self. I shall miss you more than you will ever know Sprinkle-Donut-Eating-Your-Feelings-Day Tonight I made a killer Kale, Quinoa and Chickpea salad…expect lots more recipes on here as I try to cleanse my diet.
Any tips darlings? Exercise or diet suggestions hmmm?
Turning Point #2 – Time Wasting
Oh I’m a pro. I am in the top percentile of those who can live and breathe for an entire day yet not have anything to show for it.
I can accomplish some typical actions without assistance. Remove self from bed, begin the day with a bath. Put on some yoga pants and a cat centric t-shirt, grab a coffee. Even go as far as to write down a to-do list. But then things take a drastic turn after sustenance and usually because of the cosmic pull of Iphone, Ipad, Television things go awry. I can Internet for 14 hours straight and magically accomplish not one thing of notation.
And that throws off the entire balance of my life.
Best therapist in the world had a great way of getting me to gauge every situation in my life. Sailboat. How does _________ effect the ballast of my emotional sailboat? I am tits deep in the water and the lifeboats are deployed? Or are we even on both starboard and port side gliding across the blue. Or whats happening here? Well this time wasting bullshit generally Titanics my little boat of measure each and every-time.
And what do I spend all that time doing?
Internet: Muppet Youtube videos, Wikipedia-ing ummmm everything, online window shopping, trolling Ebay for deals.
Television: Re-Watching movies (I’ve seen Mean Girls about ten times at this point), real estate or debt related reality television, british soap operas, shows about storage units, repossessing vehicles, old Seinfeld episodes.
Iphone/Ipad: Bejewelled blitz, Hootsuite, Pinterest pinning.
All good things, all in moderation.
Not being sucked in and thinking over and over I should be detailing my car, fixing my favourite necklace that broke in NYC or otherwise accomplishing something useful. I don’t even make the time to regularly read my favourite blogs, look in to crafts I want to test drive, finish blogging my NYC pictures or organize and backup my pictures. It’s just me and Kermit trying to justify another dress.
Silly! I’m a grown-up!
So, how do I fix this? Well, schedule and prioritize and create a space conducive to concentration and accomplishment. If I had easier access to my sewing machine chances are I would find a couple of minutes to repair my vintage leopard coat that’s had a seam come loose…two years ago. Or show you all my NYC pictures and further regal you with tales of what’s it’s like to live with Marty the cat.
So. I’m going cold turkey on Muppets and Youtubes and Ebays and window shopping online. I am giving myself an hour an evening to Internet, still holding myself to the resolution to post 365 times this year on this very bloggingtons. If anything I will forgive myself almost immediatly for not buying all those things from Forever21 I don’t really need and the time I save myself not justifying those things to myself will be put to good use.
I’ve had the dream catcher crafting supplies for over a year, it’s time to grab the bull by the horns.